Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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