he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You ate ashes out of my bong
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
