hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
