I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
