everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
