My liver just broke up with me...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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