If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
