I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
