you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
