you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
