If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
