so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize