btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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