just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Found your dick twin last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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