Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
