Soap is not a condiment
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
