HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
