I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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