There is no way he is gay with that hair.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
