Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize