She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize