4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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