Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They have beer where we have blood.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
