# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
