im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
