I cockslap morals
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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