OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
