So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
