I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
