I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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