we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
