I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
