Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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