I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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