you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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