I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
