I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
