The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
