i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
