Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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