hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
