Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
