gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
