We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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