you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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