i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
