About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
