you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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