Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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