My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
