HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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