We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please come you make the beer taste better
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
