i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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