So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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