just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
