i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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