Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
