She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
