Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize