Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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