Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize