Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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