and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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