i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
