His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm both gender and math confused
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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