The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
