I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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