you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
