its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
