You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
