Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
