The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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