Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
