The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
