I bet he comes in French.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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