idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize