Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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