Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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