I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
