wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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