I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
