thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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