ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
