yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I pour the whiskey from now on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
