Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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