I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
