O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
