His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
