Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
