New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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