when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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