Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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