All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
