i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
