My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize