turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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