The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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