I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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