i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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