Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
