So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize