do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
