Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The beer is more important than you right now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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