Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
