you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
