eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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