im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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