well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
