your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
