I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
