Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
