she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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