I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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