Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize