Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The uberlube is also flammable
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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