Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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