pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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